Album: There're All Gonna Laugh At You

Teenage Love On The Phone

Performed by Adam Sandler and Allen Covert

Richie: So ya doin' good?
Samantha: Ya, I'm fine, how 'bout you?
Richie: How good could I be? I haven't seen you in three hours.
Samantha: Ohhh, Richie. Hey Richie, my dad's down the hall, and he doesn't want me on the phone. So if I hang up on you, it's just because he's coming.
Richie: Ok. So look, uh, do you wanna meet at the Spring Fling Dance thi...
[She hangs up phone]

[Phone rings]
Richie: Hello?
Samantha: Sorry, I thought he was coming.
Richie: That's ok. So, about the dance. Do you wanna meet
Samantha: Umm, well my brother gets the car on Friday nights.
Richie: Well that's ok, I'll come by and get you. Lets say around...
[She hangs up phone]
Richie: Come on..

[Phone rings]
Richie: Hey.
Samantha: Sorry. I guess he was just going to the bathroom.
Richie: That's ok. Well look, uh.. what was I saying? Oh yeah, should I pick you up at like seven-thirty or maybe do you wanna go later when the dance is really kickin..
[She hangs up the phone again]
Richie: Give me a break...

[Phone rings]
Richie: Hello.
Samantha: Sorry. It was just my dog.
Richie: Hey, what's your dad's problem anyways!? Why can't we talk?
Samantha: He just thinks I'm on the phone too much. Oh my God, uh, I gotta go.
Richie: Don't hang up!
Samantha: Richie, I can't talk!
Richie: No, I'm sick of this! Put your dad on the phone! I wanna talk to him.
Samantha: It's not my dad.
Richie: What? Well, who's there? Why can't you talk?
Samantha: Uh, just look Richie, someone is here.
Richie: Who's there? Is it a guy!?
Samantha: Richie!
Richie: I knew it! I'll kill him! Put him on the phone!
Samantha: oh.. it's just.. hold on.

[Hands phone to guy]
Richie: Hey man! What the hell are you doing there!? Samantha's my girl!
You'd better stay away from her or I'll make you wish you were never born!
Buffoon: Fuckin' shit!
Richie: Yeah, fuckin' shit is right buddy! Don't think I'm kidding around, man! I'm crazy! I'll smash your head in! I swear to God!
Buffoon: One time I saw my Grandmother in the shower. Her bush starts above her belly button.
Richie: Yeah, well that's too bad! But I'm still gonna come over there and beat your face in!
[Richie slams down phone]

Samantha: What happened? Was he mad?
Buffoon: My neighbor's dog has a four inch clit!
Samantha: Oh Buffoon, you're the coolest. [Whispering] I love you...