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Home >> Adam Sandler >> The Buffoon And The Valedictorian
Album: There're All Gonna Laugh At You

The Buffoon And The Valedictorian

Performed by Adam Sandler and Jennifer Lien

And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian.

Valedictorian: I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement.

Buffoon: This movie sucks shit!

Valedictorian: Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, but Ciscel thought it was too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly.

Buffoon: Cathleen Turner has big fuckin' tits!

Valedictorian: Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her maternal biology may play a role in that. She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?

Buffoon: I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin' head off.

Valedictorian: Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process.

Buffoon: That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives everybody head.

Valedictorian: Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it.

[Buffoon eating popcorn]
Buffoon: This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed all over it.
[Buffoon continues to eat popcorn]

Valedictorian: Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank.

Buffoon: I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin' mind!

Valedictorian: It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.

Buffoon: My father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!

Valedictorian: It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's. I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism.

Buffoon: I'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl.
[Gets out of the car]

Valedictorian: Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion.
[Buffoon walking away]
I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue.

Buffoon: I like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!

Valedictorian: Bye bye! Have fun.
[Buffoon continues to walk away]

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