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Album: Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Once More, With Feeling

I Never Tell [Xander & Anya]

This is the man that I plan to entangle

Isn't he fine?

My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle

Vengeance was mine

But I’m out of the biz

The name I made I'll trade for his

The only trouble is...

I’ll never tell

She is the one she's such wonderful fun

Such passion and grace

Warm in the night when I’m right

In her tight--


Tight embrace

I’ll never let her go

The love we've known can only grow

There's just one thing that--


I’ll never tell

Both: 'cause there's

Nothing to tell

He snores

She wheezes

Say "housework," and he freezes

She eats these Skeezy cheeses

That I can't describe

I talk,

He breezes

She doesn't know

What please is

His penis got diseases

From a chumash tribe

The vibe gets kind of scary

Like she thinks I'm ordinary

Like it's all just temporary

Like her toes are kind of hairy

But it's all very well

'Cause, god knows,

I'll never tell

When things get rough

He just hides behind his Buffy

Now look, he's getting huffy

'Cause he knows that I know

She clings,

She's needy

She's also really greedy

She never--

His eyes are beady

This is my verse,

Hello? She--

Look at me!

I'm dancin' crazy!

You know

You're quite the charmer

My knight in armour

You're the cutest of the scoobies

With your lips as red as rubies

And your firm yet supple--

Tight embrace

He's swell

She's sweller

He'll always be my feller

That's why I’ll never

Tell her that I’m petrified

I’ve read this tale

There's wedding

Then betrayal

I know there'll come the day

I'll want to run and hide

I lied

I said it's easy

I’ve tried

But there's these fears I can't quell

Is she looking for a pot of gold?

Will I look good when I’ve gotten old?

Will our lives become too stressful

If I’m never that successful?

When I get so worn and wrinkly

That I look like David Brinkley

Am I crazy?

Am I dreamin'?

Am I marrying

A demon?

We could

Really raise the beam

In makin' marriage a hell

So, thank god,

I'll never tell

I swear

That I’ll never tell

My lips

Are sealed

I take the fifth

Nothing to see,

Move it along

I’ll never


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