Album: CATS - the original London version

The Ad-dressing Of Cats

You've heard of several kinds of cat

And my opinion now is that

You should need no interpreter

To understand our character

You've learned enough to take the view

That cats are very much like you

You've seen us both at work and games

And learnt about our proper names

Our habits and our habitat

But how would you ad-dress a cat?



So first, your memory I'll jog

And say: A cat is not a dog



Now dogs pretend they like to fight

They often bark, more seldom bite

But yet a dog is, on the whole

What you would call a simple soul

The usual dog about the town

Is much inclined to play the clown

And far from showing too much pride

Is frequently undignified

He's such an easygoing lout

He'll answer any hail or shout

The usual dog about the town

Is inclined to play the clown

Again I must remind you that

A dog's a dog, a cat's a cat



With cats, some say one rule is true

Don't speak 'til you are spoken to

Myself I do not hold with that

I say you should ad-dress a cat

But always bear in mind that he

Resents familiarity

You bow, and taking off your hat

Ad-dress him in this form: "O' cat!"

Before a cat will condescend

To treat you as a trusted friend

Some little token of esteem

Is needed, like a dish of cream

And you might now and then supply

Some caviar, or Strassburg pie

Some potted grouse or salmon paste

He's sure to have his personal taste

And so in time you reach your aim

And call him by his name



So this is this, and that is that

And there's how you ad-dress a cat



A cat's entitled to expect

These evidences of respect

So this is this, and that is that

And there's how you ad-dress a cat